Women Use Day Off from Sexual Harassment at Work to Enjoy Harassment in Park
September 1, 2014 – With Labor Day Weekend kicking off in the waning days of summer, America's hard-working employees are hitting the parks and beaches to enjoy some well-earned sun and relaxation. In particular, women of the United States report that they are ready for a break from the mind-numbing minutiae of constant workplace sexual harassment, and are excited to take full advantage of a whole extra day of being sexually harassed outdoors.
“Holding down a nine-to-five job in which you are routinely berated with nicknames and salacious winks can be extremely tedious,” said Mary Coopnik of Salem, Massachusetts. “Having that extra day to spend at a barbecue with friends while enduring catcalls and explicit advances from passing strangers is indispensable stress relief. Sometimes two days is just not enough.”
Since 1909, Labor Day weekend has been a vital opportunity for women, who spend their days touring an office in a pantsuit while men comment on their bodies, to kick back, throw on a tank top and jeans and enjoy the summer weather while men comment on their bodies.
“I don't get nearly enough time to spend with my husband and young daughter,” lamented Susan LaTour of Queens, New York. “I'm always stuck behind a desk next to Wade from data entry, asking me if things are still solid with Rick. Thanks to the three-day weekend, I have ample time to play tag with my kid in Central Park while random men ask me if I'd like to have another one.
“All I can think is thank God for the labor movement,” LaTour continued. “This country may have its issues with class, but we've made real progress. I hear that in China, girls get groped in factories with no weekends! And at 16, no less!”
For employees who feel that one long weekend is not enough, many are looking forward to upcoming company-wide picnics, where the gals can shed all the inter-office politics in order to enjoy one another's company, and where the guys can shed their garments to show off their machismo with a good old-fashioned game of shirts vs. skins touch football. Not wanting to appear sexist, skins teams across the country have recently begun encouraging women to join the fun.
“I think these outdoor gatherings are important because they let you see your coworkers in a different environment,” said Phoebe Jenkins of Fort Wayne, Indiana. “I used to think that my boss was a strict, inflexible jerkwad who sometimes likes to whistle when I walk by and motion like he's grabbing my breasts. But thanks to the BBQ thrown by him and his wife, I know now that he can be a relaxed, fun-loving guy who also enjoys bouncing grapes off my ass when I'm not looking. Man, I wish we could work outside every day.”
With work resuming on Tuesday, women across America are just happy they got to briefly take their minds off of earning 83 cents to the dollar that men earn, and were particularly appreciative of their public peers who pointed at their own crotches and said they could consider that as a “bonus” any time.
“Holding down a nine-to-five job in which you are routinely berated with nicknames and salacious winks can be extremely tedious,” said Mary Coopnik of Salem, Massachusetts. “Having that extra day to spend at a barbecue with friends while enduring catcalls and explicit advances from passing strangers is indispensable stress relief. Sometimes two days is just not enough.”
Since 1909, Labor Day weekend has been a vital opportunity for women, who spend their days touring an office in a pantsuit while men comment on their bodies, to kick back, throw on a tank top and jeans and enjoy the summer weather while men comment on their bodies.
“I don't get nearly enough time to spend with my husband and young daughter,” lamented Susan LaTour of Queens, New York. “I'm always stuck behind a desk next to Wade from data entry, asking me if things are still solid with Rick. Thanks to the three-day weekend, I have ample time to play tag with my kid in Central Park while random men ask me if I'd like to have another one.
“All I can think is thank God for the labor movement,” LaTour continued. “This country may have its issues with class, but we've made real progress. I hear that in China, girls get groped in factories with no weekends! And at 16, no less!”
For employees who feel that one long weekend is not enough, many are looking forward to upcoming company-wide picnics, where the gals can shed all the inter-office politics in order to enjoy one another's company, and where the guys can shed their garments to show off their machismo with a good old-fashioned game of shirts vs. skins touch football. Not wanting to appear sexist, skins teams across the country have recently begun encouraging women to join the fun.
“I think these outdoor gatherings are important because they let you see your coworkers in a different environment,” said Phoebe Jenkins of Fort Wayne, Indiana. “I used to think that my boss was a strict, inflexible jerkwad who sometimes likes to whistle when I walk by and motion like he's grabbing my breasts. But thanks to the BBQ thrown by him and his wife, I know now that he can be a relaxed, fun-loving guy who also enjoys bouncing grapes off my ass when I'm not looking. Man, I wish we could work outside every day.”
With work resuming on Tuesday, women across America are just happy they got to briefly take their minds off of earning 83 cents to the dollar that men earn, and were particularly appreciative of their public peers who pointed at their own crotches and said they could consider that as a “bonus” any time.