Research Shows Average 20-Something Now Waiting to Have Sex Until Arrival at Olympic Village
August 9, 2016 – Concerned with the possibility that millennials are having less intercourse, scientists at the International Academy of Sex Research recently underwent a study to determine the cause, the findings of which suggest that most adults between the ages of 20 and 35 are now waiting until their three-week stint at the Olympics before having unbelievable amounts of sex.
“The Academy was initially seeking evidence that today's young adults were forgoing sexual activity due to focus on their careers and modern technology,” IASR President Jim Pfaus told reporters. “What we found instead was that most millennials are simply 'edging' themselves over a four-year period, so that they might experience the full explosive carnal pleasures of an accommodation center packed with the world's most physically fit specimens.”
The study shows that there has been a downward trend in year-round sexual activity concurrent with a shockingly upward trend of erotic action once every leap year since 1988, when the Olympic Committee first started handing out free condoms. It can be inferred from the evidence that, while sexual desire among 20-somethings has not decreased, the rare opportunity to plow physical excellence into physical excellence the night before the judo finals is totally worth the wait.
“It's fair to say that the sex drives of young adults are still perfectly healthy,” Pfaus continued. “However, I'm not certain this study has wide-spanning implications for procreation. After all, it would be advised that young men wrap it up before climbing atop the international track-and-field pile, lest they wish to incur some exotic foreign diseases along with their exotic foreign strange.
“In fact, while birth rates may be unaffected, I'd say our study has much broader implications for Rio's formerly struggling lube economy.”
Pfaus and the IASR also announced that they intend to do a follow-up study in 2018 centered around the PyeongChang Winter Olympics, where conditions are expected to be much colder. Past studies suggest weather does nothing to dissuade the world's young bobsledders, who are into some pretty weird stuff.
“The Academy was initially seeking evidence that today's young adults were forgoing sexual activity due to focus on their careers and modern technology,” IASR President Jim Pfaus told reporters. “What we found instead was that most millennials are simply 'edging' themselves over a four-year period, so that they might experience the full explosive carnal pleasures of an accommodation center packed with the world's most physically fit specimens.”
The study shows that there has been a downward trend in year-round sexual activity concurrent with a shockingly upward trend of erotic action once every leap year since 1988, when the Olympic Committee first started handing out free condoms. It can be inferred from the evidence that, while sexual desire among 20-somethings has not decreased, the rare opportunity to plow physical excellence into physical excellence the night before the judo finals is totally worth the wait.
“It's fair to say that the sex drives of young adults are still perfectly healthy,” Pfaus continued. “However, I'm not certain this study has wide-spanning implications for procreation. After all, it would be advised that young men wrap it up before climbing atop the international track-and-field pile, lest they wish to incur some exotic foreign diseases along with their exotic foreign strange.
“In fact, while birth rates may be unaffected, I'd say our study has much broader implications for Rio's formerly struggling lube economy.”
Pfaus and the IASR also announced that they intend to do a follow-up study in 2018 centered around the PyeongChang Winter Olympics, where conditions are expected to be much colder. Past studies suggest weather does nothing to dissuade the world's young bobsledders, who are into some pretty weird stuff.