President Obama to New Canadian PM Justin Trudeau: “I Was Hot, Once”
November 12, 2015 – Newly elected Prime Minister and renowned sexy person Justin Trudeau has begun his first week of official governance in Canada. On Wednesday, he received a friendly phone call from U.S. President Barack Obama, offering him many words of support and encouragement, as well as one bit of sage advice: “Cherish your looks now, pretty boy, because in six years, they will be gone.”
The President, widely considered by analysts to be a stone-cold hunk throughout his 2008 election bid, has had to endure the decline of his personal appearance over the course of his executive tenure, due to age, stress, and a little-known Republican statute which cast an infernal withering spell on Obama in early 2011.
“You might think that those piercing blue eyes will sail you through this experience,” Obama said over the phone. “Just look at me, man. My smile used to make all the lady voters swoon. Senators wanted to be me, Congresswomen wanted to be with me. That was a long time ago.
“Just wait until your first act as Prime Minister gets blocked by the House, or whatever you have up there,” he went on. “That's when your hair will start to go gray. And it's all downhill from there, buddy.”
Trudeau, who famously appointed a gender-equal cabinet last week, saw his approval rating soar in the wake of the election, prompting Obama to say, “Enjoy the honeymoon while it lasts.” The PM could be seen smiling, yet nervously touching the sides of his face, throughout the phone call.
“Yeah man, the skin's the next thing,” Obama continued. “That'll go once you're like a year-and-a-half in, and can still count on your fingers the number of things you'll actually be remembered for. Then the pressure sets in, and it's goodbye solid complexion, goodbye adorable cheekbones, goodbye toned boxing figure.
“Oh, and it's not just the looks either, it's the energy. I used to be able to smoke a pack a day, wouldn't get to me. Now I have one cigarette and I turn into Harvey Fierstein,” Obama said, while wistfully staring at a shirtless beach photo of himself that he keeps on his desk.
“Anyway, you probably have more important stuff to do than listen to me blab on about how hot I used to be and you still are,” Obama said in an effort to wind down the conversation. “I just wanted to call and say good luck, I look forward to working with you, and one more word: spanks. Aight, peace.”
It was confirmed early Thursday that the Prime Minister had asked to reschedule a meeting with the Treasury Board in order to take a spa day.
The President, widely considered by analysts to be a stone-cold hunk throughout his 2008 election bid, has had to endure the decline of his personal appearance over the course of his executive tenure, due to age, stress, and a little-known Republican statute which cast an infernal withering spell on Obama in early 2011.
“You might think that those piercing blue eyes will sail you through this experience,” Obama said over the phone. “Just look at me, man. My smile used to make all the lady voters swoon. Senators wanted to be me, Congresswomen wanted to be with me. That was a long time ago.
“Just wait until your first act as Prime Minister gets blocked by the House, or whatever you have up there,” he went on. “That's when your hair will start to go gray. And it's all downhill from there, buddy.”
Trudeau, who famously appointed a gender-equal cabinet last week, saw his approval rating soar in the wake of the election, prompting Obama to say, “Enjoy the honeymoon while it lasts.” The PM could be seen smiling, yet nervously touching the sides of his face, throughout the phone call.
“Yeah man, the skin's the next thing,” Obama continued. “That'll go once you're like a year-and-a-half in, and can still count on your fingers the number of things you'll actually be remembered for. Then the pressure sets in, and it's goodbye solid complexion, goodbye adorable cheekbones, goodbye toned boxing figure.
“Oh, and it's not just the looks either, it's the energy. I used to be able to smoke a pack a day, wouldn't get to me. Now I have one cigarette and I turn into Harvey Fierstein,” Obama said, while wistfully staring at a shirtless beach photo of himself that he keeps on his desk.
“Anyway, you probably have more important stuff to do than listen to me blab on about how hot I used to be and you still are,” Obama said in an effort to wind down the conversation. “I just wanted to call and say good luck, I look forward to working with you, and one more word: spanks. Aight, peace.”
It was confirmed early Thursday that the Prime Minister had asked to reschedule a meeting with the Treasury Board in order to take a spa day.