It's a Shame Kids These Days are Getting Involved with Mecha Hitler
by Andréa Chester-Chito
We all know that being a parent is the best, most important and rewarding thing any person can do with her life. But it's also a waking nightmare. There's no clear road map, no instruction manual handed to you to guide your perfect, unique little angel's upbringing. When it comes to raising a child, there are very few certainties.
But if there is one thing that's certain, it's that we as parents need to come together and accept that today's kids have a problem with Mecha Hitler.
It would be so easy for us adults to ignore Mecha Hitler, as he only phases into our dimension from the Naziverse when we're not around. And he never attacks our kids with his sharpened finger-blades; instead, he fills their heads with supremacist nonsense and promises them eternal life as a mechanized soldier of the Reich Dominion.
But as parents, we can't let this influence fester in our children's minds. Before you know it, their schoolwork starts to slip, they yell angrily in German when told to do chores, and they're up all hours of the night, gathering some substance known as “crystallized time.”
Well I, for one, am through with satellite parenting. I've got six beautiful, highly suggestible little cherubs under my guard, and I don't intend to let a single one of them out of my sight for more than ten seconds, as that is all the time Mecha Hitler needs to imbue them with a soul swastika.
Fellow moms need not fear his wrath should they catch sight of him, for while he stands at 12 feet tall and fires lasers from his eyes and tail, the PTA has negotiated a contract with Mecha Hitler's eternal enemy, Commander Edmund Vox of Zeta Company, to protect us from mortal danger, and once again cage the villain in the Quantum Wastelands should he threaten our planet.
But that doesn't mean we can be complacent. The contract does not forbid him from socializing, and when it comes to robotic fascism, our youth can't be trusted to make decisions for themselves. Lessons in school on dimensional warding can only do so much; the lessons have to begin at home.
I implore you, fellow concerned parents: talk to your kids today about Mecha Hitler.
We all know that being a parent is the best, most important and rewarding thing any person can do with her life. But it's also a waking nightmare. There's no clear road map, no instruction manual handed to you to guide your perfect, unique little angel's upbringing. When it comes to raising a child, there are very few certainties.
But if there is one thing that's certain, it's that we as parents need to come together and accept that today's kids have a problem with Mecha Hitler.
It would be so easy for us adults to ignore Mecha Hitler, as he only phases into our dimension from the Naziverse when we're not around. And he never attacks our kids with his sharpened finger-blades; instead, he fills their heads with supremacist nonsense and promises them eternal life as a mechanized soldier of the Reich Dominion.
But as parents, we can't let this influence fester in our children's minds. Before you know it, their schoolwork starts to slip, they yell angrily in German when told to do chores, and they're up all hours of the night, gathering some substance known as “crystallized time.”
Well I, for one, am through with satellite parenting. I've got six beautiful, highly suggestible little cherubs under my guard, and I don't intend to let a single one of them out of my sight for more than ten seconds, as that is all the time Mecha Hitler needs to imbue them with a soul swastika.
Fellow moms need not fear his wrath should they catch sight of him, for while he stands at 12 feet tall and fires lasers from his eyes and tail, the PTA has negotiated a contract with Mecha Hitler's eternal enemy, Commander Edmund Vox of Zeta Company, to protect us from mortal danger, and once again cage the villain in the Quantum Wastelands should he threaten our planet.
But that doesn't mean we can be complacent. The contract does not forbid him from socializing, and when it comes to robotic fascism, our youth can't be trusted to make decisions for themselves. Lessons in school on dimensional warding can only do so much; the lessons have to begin at home.
I implore you, fellow concerned parents: talk to your kids today about Mecha Hitler.