Ammon Bundy Calls Standing Rock to Congratulate Them on Their Totally Similar Victory

December 5, 2016 – Ammon Bundy, the leader of the Oregon militia who were legally exonerated after the armed takeover of a national wildlife refuge, reached out to congratulate David Archambault II and the other water protectors of the Standing Rock reservation who had staged a successful unarmed protest on their own lands, saying that this has been a great year for totally equivalent victories over the powers-that-be.
“Hi Dave, it's Ammon!” the call began. “Maybe you've heard of my work. I'm the guy that led a gun-toting crew into a federal building and occupied it for over a month in order to force the government to turn over land we didn't own? I just wanted to say congrats on your successful stand against the Dakota Access Pipeline, which I hope was inspired by our bravery and rebellious spirit!
“You sure showed those cops a thing or two! Not sure why you went about it unarmed, seems like you really took a beating. I'm sure if those vets had shown up with some semi-autos, the public and the court system would've gotten on your guys' side even faster, like they did for us. But hey, not my place to question a fellow revolutionary!”
Archambault, who appeared confused by the call, mainly nodded and muttered affirmations as Bundy lauded the similarities between their two ventures: one, a non-violent protest that lasted most of 2016 and weathered perpetual attacks from 76 nationwide law enforcement agencies; the other, a brief sit-in that was kicked off by voicing support for two arsonists who were not asking for help to begin with.
“I really think we taught the people of this country a valuable lesson, Dave: that, regardless of skin color or hat preference, any group can cause a ruckus for justice, no matter how silly the cause,” Bundy said, referring to Archambault's protest of an oil pipeline that had been rerouted from a prominently white area of North Dakota to cross through native water sources and cultural sites.
Bundy concluded the call by telling Archambault that, if the Sioux tribe ever gets a hankering to play a friendly game of Cowboys and Indians, he and his crew have been feeling extra nostalgic.
“Hi Dave, it's Ammon!” the call began. “Maybe you've heard of my work. I'm the guy that led a gun-toting crew into a federal building and occupied it for over a month in order to force the government to turn over land we didn't own? I just wanted to say congrats on your successful stand against the Dakota Access Pipeline, which I hope was inspired by our bravery and rebellious spirit!
“You sure showed those cops a thing or two! Not sure why you went about it unarmed, seems like you really took a beating. I'm sure if those vets had shown up with some semi-autos, the public and the court system would've gotten on your guys' side even faster, like they did for us. But hey, not my place to question a fellow revolutionary!”
Archambault, who appeared confused by the call, mainly nodded and muttered affirmations as Bundy lauded the similarities between their two ventures: one, a non-violent protest that lasted most of 2016 and weathered perpetual attacks from 76 nationwide law enforcement agencies; the other, a brief sit-in that was kicked off by voicing support for two arsonists who were not asking for help to begin with.
“I really think we taught the people of this country a valuable lesson, Dave: that, regardless of skin color or hat preference, any group can cause a ruckus for justice, no matter how silly the cause,” Bundy said, referring to Archambault's protest of an oil pipeline that had been rerouted from a prominently white area of North Dakota to cross through native water sources and cultural sites.
Bundy concluded the call by telling Archambault that, if the Sioux tribe ever gets a hankering to play a friendly game of Cowboys and Indians, he and his crew have been feeling extra nostalgic.